With a heavy heart….

As I write this newest blog, I’m writing with heavy heart. For the last couple of weeks, I have been under intense spiritual warfare. I’ve felt beat up, I’ve felt struck down, and I’ve felt defeated! But this is so untrue! I am a child of the living God! I am a prince to the throne. I have spoken with a few members of my team, and shared with them that there is going to be times of trials and testing ahead of us. The evil one wants to strike us down when he sees us doing things for the Lord, so he brings things into our lives, he brings situations into our lives to get us down. Recently one of the girls on my team, Jessica Hutt wrote “this week, I have felt extra discouraged and very, very tempted in areas that aren’t normally an issue for me. I’ve fallen. I’ve gotten back up. I’ve fallen again. I’ve gotten back up again… and so the cycle goes. Each time I fail, I can hear Satan whispering those negative words to me – “You can’t do this. You must be such a baby Christian to keep messing up like this, on something so small. How can you expect to make an impact in Nicaragua when you can’t even seem to get your own life straight?” I was so blessed to read that. I confess that the evil one has been sneaking thoughts of unworthiness of leading this team. I know though where these are coming from. Also though, alot of times we make choices that affect our lives and our relationship with God. I absolutely love the speaker James MacDonald. I get his podcasts daily, and they always challenge me. The Lord always seems to speak with me and meet with me where I’m at. Well, today the message hit home. James was saying we need to be sincere and say “I’m the reason that I’m in the situation that I’m in. I’m the reason that I’m struggling where I’m struggling. It’s not mothers fault, it’s not my teachers fault or my neighbours or my spouses fault!  It’s about taking responsibility for our life and our relationship with Him!” After I listened to that, I realized that, alot of times when I struggle with my personal relationship, it’s because I’ve disconnected myself from Him. I work at a conservation area doing security. Right next to the conservation area is a field. I noticed last week that someone had either stepped on, or cut a stalk of corn, and it was laying on the ground. Day after day of me driving by, I noticed that it was dying. The first day it wasn’t to bad, not much different than the others, still green, still looked very much alive. The second and third days though, it withered… it turned crisp and began to look like it was dying. You know, our lives are like that to. We are supposed to be connected to God, it’s in HIM that we draw our strength. It’s through Him that he gives us life. When we wander from Him, things might seems fine for a little while, a day, maybe more, just like that stalk of corn. Things are fine for a LITTLE while, but we are cut off from our life support, and eventually we start to wither and die spiritually. Isn’t it great though that when God sees that we are struggling, when He sees that we are walking away, He brings SO MUCH TRIAL into our lives, that we come running back to Him! Isn’t that amazing of Him? To know that He cares enough about us to bring trials into our lives, so that we turn to Him, because if we don’t, we’ll spend a long time living out the consequences of our actions. I’ve made alot of unwise decisions in my past, I’ve hurt people, and I’ve hurt myself, and… I’ve hurt my Father. We can learn from our mistakes though, and we can use them to help others. That’s my prayer for my failures and my shortcomings, that I may learn from them, and use them to help other people in the same situation.

 

Please continue to pray for me and my spiritual health. Pray that I may stay connected to Him so that He can grow me into the man of God that He plans for my life. Pray that when I get out of bed, I may say to myself, this is a day that I am going to serve God. Also pray for my financial support for my trip to Nicaragua. If you feel led to support me, you can do so by clicking this link. Support me. I still have time, but time goes by quickly.